Tools You Can Learn to Use

There are the tools and methods used by counsellors in their work, and there are the tools that can be used by anybody, to help manage, balance, reduce, eliminate or augment something, as needed.

This article is about the kinds of tools that can be learned and used by those needing to make inner changes.

A good therapist will be careful about timing and presentation when introducing a new tool. An excellent therapist will be able to create new tools on the spot, made to order, matching your style and needs, flowing naturally from the conversation, and easy to implement.

Not all of the tools described below will be used by every person. Their selection and use depend upon the issue(s) being addressed, timing, capacity, and external stressors.

Self-talk: This is an important skill because we all talk to ourselves, but the talk is usually semi or fully unconscious. Our “inner critic”, for example, can have a relentless, habitual negative commentary going on in the back of the mind, that we accept as truth; but as soon as someone else says something negative about us, we react with indignation! We can learn to be more conscious and directive, too, in effect, reprogram our minds to think and see differently.

Journaling: Related to self-talk, it is yet another way of externalizing our inner dialogue, and making us more conscious of our beliefs, assumptions, perceptions and desires. It is best to write about yourself in the third person tense, to gain even more distance from yourself.

More distance = greater perspective, more detachment, and more control.

Naming emotions: We are often hampered by not knowing (younger people especially) the names of what we are feeling and the range of names that refer to gradations or alternates to the undesired feeling. Knowing the names of feelings makes it easier to do effective self-talk. This is ideally taught in about grade four.

Naming inner characters: “I” am not what you imagine. Although seemingly unitary, the “I” is a conglomerate. Similar to naming emotions, we can give names and “flesh out” the various aspects or facets that make up our identity, our ego. Having done that, it is easier to sort out the conflicts, contradictions, roles, agendas and well-intentioned but twisted machinations of our inner sub-personalities.

Scaling: This gem from the world of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is so useful. Any emotion can be given a ranking on a scale from 1-5 or 1-10. Just doing that creates distance from the emotion, engages a different part of the brain to work with the emotion, and allows for reflection and consideration of what might make the emotion greater or lesser (as needed). It is usually used in a therapy session, where the counsellor takes into account the timing and readiness to take the step. Once learned, it can be applied just about anytime, anywhere.

Metaphor: Usually used by a skilled therapist to help someone think about their story in a different way, or in the context of a story that maps a way forward, metaphor is also the language of dreams. With time, you can become more comfortable with metaphor and use it to break out of analytical obsessive thinking patterns.

Imagery and hypnosis: Images are the primal language of the brain. Before we learned a single word, we thought in images. Before we were born, we slept and dreamed. Imagery is used mainly in hypnosis, but hypnosis bleeds into imagery quite naturally. Where one begins and the other ends, is a fuzzy line. The imagination is extremely powerful and can be harnessed for good and for ill (as when we obsessively and painfully imagine, say, our partner in bed with our best friend). Self-hypnosis is a way of using imagery, along with relaxation skills, to change perception, reduce fear and pain, build confidence, and much else.

Movement: Your counsellor will often prescribe movement or exercise of some sort, usually outside of the session. In the session, I have asked depressed people to stand up, look upwards, hold out their arms, etc., hold that position for a certain time, then tell me how they feel different. The body is intimately tied up with emotions and thinking, and movement is a rather literal and concrete way of getting stuck emotions unstuck. It isn’t used in isolation but as part of a package of other tools.

Breathing: This is a “go-to” skill, that I have taught to many people, usually in the first session, as a “proof of concept”, to give hope that therapy works, gives real results, and doesn’t have to take a long time. Breathing consciously is the foundation of many meditation forms, and knowing how to breathe gives control over your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems. It usually goes along with deep relaxation skills, but that depends on the specific application. It never fails.

Prescribed actions and experiments: I will frequently arrive at an idea to have someone watch a certain YouTube video, to notice something particular during the day, to try a certain way of doing something X times per day, to listen to a certain podcast, to collect family photos…the possibilities are endless, designed to kickstart a change of behaviour, provoke a realization, manage troublesome emotions/reactions in real-life situations, cement (or break) a relationship, and so on. It is part of the creative skillset of a therapist but translates later into a way of life, and an openness to experience and change.

Checklists and worksheets: It isn’t for everybody, but for those so inclined, there are hundreds of paper-based tools designed to help people make desired changes, learn new ways of thinking, gain perspective, flesh out dreams, build motivation, etc. Etc.

Information: Younger people especially are sometimes lacking basic information, so the counsellor can either impart that information or send him on a quest to seek and learn the missing information. Not all mental and emotional problems have their source in mental and emotional dynamics. Frequently, people get upset, depressed, fearful etc., because of something going on in their world. They have a reality-based emotional reaction. That can be relieving to learn, in itself. Other times, our emotions are telling us that yes indeed, the job we are in is not the right one for us, or it is and we need to accept it instead of hanging on to a dream that may be someone else’s. Maybe we need to really cultivate a relationship, maybe we need to accept that we are being used and abused, and need to drastically change, even break off the relationship. A good therapist will help you, early on, to sort out what is what: what is external, what is internal, what is relational, habitual, conditioned, addictive, unregulated, overdone, etc. Then remaining questions can be made into hypotheses, which can be tested, so a plan of action can be agreed upon.